@byrdie_num_num: It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, 'trophy wife' has become rather ambiguous.
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@forcemajeure40: She said she was a free spirit. That's good. Wasn't sure how I'd pay for a spirit.
@theroneman: Son, there's only one thing in life to fear. [Car full of bears with machine guns drives by] Son, there are only two things in life to fear.
@_NTFG_: People say love is the best feeling in the world, but I think finding a toilet when you have diarrhea is better.