@byrdie_num_num: It's now politically correct to award kids trophies for last place. On a related note, 'trophy wife' has become rather ambiguous.
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@CatsVsHumanity: Signs you're a full fledged adult: • You choose restaurants based on the availability of parking • You pay attention to the weather now • You have at least one mole you're keeping an eye on • You have a favorite stove burner • You don't give af what's "cool" anymore
@brennadine: [Coworker] Are you smiling at your stapler? No, just checking for spinach [Laughs nervously]. Oh, good. [Me, to stapler] Sorry baby I had to