@xLiserx: It's October: For everyone's safety, keep your blonde haired children away from all corn mazes. Do not let them congregate.
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@Mom_Overboard: [the afterlife] Me: So, this is heaven! *sees husband* whoa whoa whoa, what's he doing here?! The contract said til death parts us! Angel: *chuckling* Me: omg. this is hell, isn't it.
@QwertyJones3: HER: I'm a member of my local Rotary Club. ME: [trying to impress her] Yeah I hate touch tone phones.
@PlainTravis: I want to be a pilot, but mostly so I'd have an excuse to tell passengers, "Where we're going, we don't need roads."
@TheTobbie: Someone on my street has taken up the clarinet, which has inspired me to take up the sniper rifle...