@jwoodham: It's oddly fitting that most Americans celebrate Presidents' Day by taking the day off and not doing the job they were hired to do.
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@chrisanna4real: My signature move is being a complete idiot trying to convince someone that I'm not drink. Drank. Drunk.
@WheelTod: Well, well, well. Looks like I may have a lawsuit on my hands: a gynecologist refused to treat me, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm gay.
@truegritrumble: ME: I hit my neighbors car. CAT: I killed my last 4 owners. ME: YOU CAN TALK! CAT: ... ME: Wait, what did you just say? CAT: *blinks*
@AnkCoupleTO: [doing crossword] Me: I'm looking for a word that means slight pause Her: Hiatus? Me: *erasing 'our sex life'* thanks