@man_spach: It's ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry.
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@BadJordon: Ruin a hipster's day by telling them how commercial you think their favorite band has become.
@protolalia: I only date men who have cats because they've been pre-trained to try and figure out what you want if you just stare at them long enough.
@shadygrenade: Magician: an ordinary deck of cards right? Guy in front row: that's a ham. Magician: [whispers to assistant] get eagle eyes out of here.
@Asbo_Unicorn: Unicorns have one horn and everyone says "ooh they're so magical" Cow's have 2 horns & no one cares even though they taste so much better