@mdob11: 'It's ok, I'm from the internet', I whisper from under your bed as you call the police.
@That_Damn_Duck: In a recent survey 9 out of 10 bros actually chose Ho's over each other.
@MUMSIEesq: [DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM]
CUTE GUY: hi
ME: how many disease boxes did you check?
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early?
Me: Because we have had enough of you for today
@SamuelHlowe: Ugh! I always think of the best comebacks when I'm burying the body.
@clarkekant: Obama says he’s pro-vaccine, GOP comes out against it. Now Obama needs to express his support for breathing.