@Sarah__Cortez: It's ok to laugh during sex...just don't point.
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@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.
@T_Bonezzz_: We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived. Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!
@hippieswordfish: joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*
@_davidlucas_: Daddy! Tell me a story.. The Tooth Fairy is really a wicked witch, who takes all your teeth if you sleep with your mouth open. Good night.