@Jenn_H_Scott: It's okay, everyone. I know my 3yo's screams sound like his leg was run over by a lawn mower, but he's just got some fuzz stuck to his thumb
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@Book_Krazy: Couple: [hands me camera] Do you mind taking a picture? "Sure"[click] Couple: How does it look? "I just got my hair done, so pretty good"
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: You've suffered a brain injury. It's affected your hippocampus ME:What? Lol sorry I was picturing hippos at college. Who are u again
@upsidedowntrash: [1st Row at Beyoncé Concert] Beyoncé: Who run da world?! *points mic at me* ME: [having briefly heard the song once before] …squirrels?
@briangaar: ELMO WANT BIG HUG!!! ELMO WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT JET FUEL COULDN'T POSSIBLY MELT STRUCTURAL STEEL