@ABurgerADay: It's okay if you didn't notice that I switched my beard trimmer's setting from 6 to 5. The difference is stubble.
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@gorrdano: How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.
@lisaandtots: Hit 1,000 followers and a 100 star tweet on the same day! Do you know what that means?! 900 of you don't read my shit.
@ClichedOut: [introducing date] Me: This is Linda, my date. Her: You mean Lisa. Me: This is Linda, my Lisa.