@NikiWithIssues: It's okay when Pac Man runs all over the place eating pills and claiming ghosts are after him but when I do it I'm "crazy."
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Dad, can you make the rain go away? Me: Someone more powerful than me controls the weather. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Mom?
@KeetPotato: wife: "no" me: "its a good name" wife: "keith we're not calling the dog sarah jessica barker, keep thinking" me: wife: me: "woofie goldberg"
@AnOrangeSNES: *Snoop walks into a classroom* Snoop: Tell me about the Big Bong Theory Teacher: It's the Big Bang Theory *Snoops walks out disappointed*
@TheBoydP: Mammals for $500 Alex "Slow moving mammals that spend most of their time sleeping & eating" What are sloths? "Wrong, What are coworkers"