@KyleMcDowell86: It's only a matter of time before the casino realizes that baby I lost at the roulette table wasn't mine
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@Vodkantots: People who are genuinely surprised when politicians behave badly should be forced to wear helmets for their own protection.
@carlyken: Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat.
@VeggieMonger: Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don't think adding more pricks will make a difference.
@postcrunk: is the ultimate american drug watching an entire season of a tv show at once or getting married so you don't have to die alone?