@HousewifeOfHell: It's only a matter of time before the zombies are afraid to eat our brains because we're such idiots.
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@ArfMeasures: ME [licks finger to turn page of the book I'm reading] WIFE: You're ruining that Kindle
@Jc1Johnny: If a woman wants to date me, she has to meet my strict criteria 1. Hair 2. At least one eye 3. A pulse 4. Not that bothered about 1
@badteacher4u: Strangely enough, yelling "I have a masters degree!" at this electric wine opener is not helping me figure out how to make it work. Weird.
@daemonic3: If I were a ghost, I'd spell "antidisestablishmentarianism" on the Ouija board just to waste those idiots' time.