@ScrambledMceggs: It's only an overdose if you're dead.
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@animaldrumss: Guy [beating me up for making a joke at an inappropriate time]: whos funny now you piece of shit Me: wait, you thought i was funny before?
@peetiesays: Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas.
@TravLeBlanc: One time a friend said that he "ain't never had no nothing". It remains the only time where I have heard someone use a quadruple negative.
@fillthevacuum: *checks pockets for phone 53 times before jumping in pool* *skinny dips to be on the safe side*