@YourAnMoron: It's pretty impressive that Beethoven could play the piano considering he was a St. Bernard.
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@daemonic3: JESUS: [walks on water] JUDAS: Actually, the body is 60% water so it's only 40% miracle JESUS: You're killing me, Judas JUDAS: Actually..
@TravLeBlanc: I'm working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.
@Sickayduh: ME: Why are you leaving? WIFE: I have hated every stupid pun of yours since we left Manhasset 20 years ago ME: Manhasset been that long?