@Just_Lee_: It's pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
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@KeetPotato: [restaurant] date: "i think you watch too much Homeland" me: [in the next booth facing the other way] "keep your voice down"
@EddieHarris216: It feels weird when someone congratulates me for quitting smoking, because it's something nobody should do to their body. Congrats on not drinking bleach! Me: Thanks. It's tough, but the Clorox patch helped.
@Talkinghands69: When your boss says "you're getting a little behind," he won't appreciate it when you wink and say "been working out-thanks for noticing."