@iRowlf: It's pretty rude how they'll kick you out of the hospital just for using a defibrillator to make a grilled cheese sandwich.
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@cornlog: My son is screaming his head off in his room but there's no way I'm going in there if his monster reports are true.
@AimeeHelene1: *goes in fridge; makes sandwich* *grabs beer* *sits on couch; turns on TV* Him: Ma'am, this is an open house Me: I need the full experience
@gorrdano: How bout I hold a toaster over you while you're in the tub, and you tweet something that doesn't make me drop it.
@MsSouthernStems: The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.