@iRowlf: It's pretty rude how they'll kick you out of the hospital just for using a defibrillator to make a grilled cheese sandwich.
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@KenJennings: Parenting is all about wanting to say, "No one cares, honey" 100x a day AND NEVER DOING IT.
@JordyHamrick: Just saw a homeless woman try to use a cat as a telephone. She accepted a cigarette in exchange for the cat. Cat is my telephone now.
@TheWriteStuff2u: Dyslexics are teople poo!
@Bearslietoo: Last night I slept for 6 hours straight then 1 hour gay.
@envydatropic: Indoor water parks full of kids in diapers for when you want to catch a case of name that bacterial infection
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