@Procaffinator: Its probably time to clean the microwave when you heat coffee and it comes out smelling like a burrito.
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@LindseyEllison2: I want to pick up a hitchhiker before I die. Not like right before I die, but you know.
@dafloydsta: ME: Hey they're playing our song. HER: This isn't our song. ME: [turning up "Go Your Own Way"] Yes it is, Karen. I want a divorce.
@everygirI: boys need to work on keeping their Instagram up to date with good pics. I can't show my mom some pic of a fish you caught 120 weeks ago