@Procaffinator: Its probably time to clean the microwave when you heat coffee and it comes out smelling like a burrito.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife's late for work because I unplugged her alarm so I could charge my phone. She's mad, but at least I can tell you guys about it.
@KoJo_Sunshine: I have 6 locks on my door. When I leave, I lock 3. So no matter how long somebody tries to pick the locks, they are always locking 3. Suckas
@geowizzacist: (Final maths exam) Q: what are the two small horizontal parallel lines? a) double negative b) equals c) eleven fell over