@sparklepants4: its raining men! hallelu..*thud* omg are you ok? *thud* oh sweet jesus! *thud* *thud* oh the horror! *thud* WHY GOD? WHYYYY??
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@botandy: google logo keeps changing its appearance because it killed a man in Tampa in 1999 and has to stay ahead of the law
@TheBeerGuy73: My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.
@WheelTod: Distraught after losing a full carton of milk, I tattooed its photo on my kid's face, in hope someone recognizes and returns it.
@House_Feminist: I took my kids' screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around