@rickkondell: Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
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@jordan_stratton: [Walks up to stranger] Me: "Excuse me, would you take my picture?" Him: "Sure." Me: "Great!" [I hand him a beautiful 5x7 portrait of me]
@Almighty_Smoot: Saturday plans: -get abducted then hunted by a group of rich guys on a game reserve, then systematically take them out one by one. - laundry
@Dawn_M_: I will take your secret to the grave. Unless I'm drunk and revealing it will make me popular.
@TheToddWilliams: Wife: I'm glad you're watching TLC and looking to improve yourself. So who are your new friends? Husband: These would be your Sister Wives