@rickkondell: Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
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@tigersgoroooar: just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”
@MartaEffing: My self esteem flared up this morning. So I put on my bikini and checked my bank account. Ahhh... That's more like it.
@freezingsheep: If I hear a bang when I'm driving I just assume I broke the sound barrier. Not sure where all these dents are coming from though.