It's really hard to be stealthy while carrying half a box of Tic Tacs. The more you know.

@_Tempo11: Told my dog it's too cold to go for a walk and he just saw one from the window and now I'm a liar.

1

@Hobo_Splendido: I'm crowd funding an organic lettuce purchase from Whole Foods.

54

@Beer4AGoodTime: Getting married is easy, staying married is hard. Just ask my girlfriend, her husband drives her crazy.

75

@WineMummy: Sorry I had sex with your hot gardener, but in my defense, you did say that I needed Jesus in me.

1

@JessObsess: *At store buying school supplies* Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils

1

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