@Awk0Tacoo: It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos.
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@KatieBurnett: Facebook's great for when you wanna see a picture or a joke you saw on Twitter four years ago
@internetluke: [snapchat HQ] Boss: anybody got anything good? Guy (who smoked weed instead of working): people with big eyes puking rainbows?
@turtledumplin: I won't slam on my brakes if someone's tailgating me...I will, however, take my foot off the accelerator and slowly come to a stop.