@Fickle_Filly: It's rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that's exactly what's going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.
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@Rayne__Man: Fool me once, shame on you Fool me twice, shame on me Fool me three times, show me how you do that
@david8hughes: [the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this
@realHamOnWry: Me: Hey, just got back from a 3 hour walk. Her: But it's 20 below zero outside. Me: I had mitts. Her: Are you crazy? Me: No...Canadian.
@RobDenBleyker: Finally watching Michael Bay's TMNT. Best part so far is a dude answering a Skype call and yelling "How did you get this number?!?"