@birbigs: It's sad that a few fake Nigerian princes have ruined it for all the good Nigerian princes who are just looking to wire 24 million dollars.
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@david8hughes: [ouija board] "Spirits are u there? I A M H E R E. Y O U W A N N A T A L K? Y O U W A N N A H A N G O U T? [squints] "A needy board?"
@astutenewf: When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running.
@HockeyTornado: I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping.