@Jez1: It's Saturday, so I'm as lazy as the guy who drew the Japanese flag.
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@Ndeshi_M: Colleague: Quick, the boss is on her way! Me: That’s weird I swear that I didn’t hear her broomstick!
@jenlaw_11: Netflix just asked me to rate 'Spy Kids 2' and I clicked "I haven't seen it" but I have. I have seen it. A lot.
@OneFunnyMummy: On bad days I like to take a pregnancy test to remind myself that things could be much worse.
@TankCesar: How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen? Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up....