@GhantaGuy: It's so annoying when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and they don't accept your friend request.
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@EndhooS: "What are you doing here?" I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond
@furbyburglar: I never scrape my back window so when I back out of parking spots I let Jesus decide if I'm gonna kill anyone
@sfreeze6: [on deathbed - calls for son] ".....if you highlight the shit out of a document, people will think you read it....."