@GhantaGuy: It's so annoying when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and they don't accept your friend request.
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@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: As a young boy, did your mother ever treat you badly? ME: As far as I know *pauses to think* my mother was never a young boy
@sirmunchie: Someday, my kids will say "daddy, wanna hear a cool story" and it will actually be followed by the telling of a cool story.
@weedguy420boner: one time I saw a guy playing with a yoyo walk into a street sign. I laughed so hard that it changed me. It changed everything.