@NurseKimaaa: It's so awkward when a man texts you to come over and you have to pretend like you weren't already inside their house.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: You know how dogs think, when you leave, that you're never coming back? That's how I feel when I leave the house for work every morning.
@Tmoney68: Why don't those badass UFC guys use their fighting skills to defend themselves against terrible tattoo artists?
@JaiWalker: Childless people wondering what it's like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
@SuadShamma: "The sum of the cabbage is directly proportional to the square root of the carrot divided by the mayo. That is Cole's Law."