@shegotagronk: It's so beautiful outside. I should probably do something...Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my computer screen.
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@PaperWash: before cameras, people would have to say "cheese" for two hours while they got their portrait painted
@TheCiscoKidder: You know you spend too much time with your kids when there's Sesame Street music in your head while mentally undressing women.
@jazmasta: [speaking to a guy who looks nothing like Ed Sheeran] "Hey man, do people ever say you look like Ed Sheeran?" "No" "Didn't think so"
@Dawn_M_: My online boyfriend loves me so much that once I put my money in his PayPal account he is coming to visit me.