@globetrottgirl: It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf.
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@TheresNoGodzila: When I see a kid on a leash I assume they were a dog turned into a kid by a witch & the owners have yet to figure out how to turn them back.
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
@wickedimproper: St. Peter: "Spock?" Leonard Nimoy: "I'm Leonard. Spock was just a character I played on TV." St. Peter: "HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S SPOCK!"
@collegeben: friend: here he comes. dont set him off again. me: ok me&friend: hey JADEN SMITH: What If We Are the Hay, And The World Is Harvesting Us?