@ieatanddrink: It's so cold out today in Wisconsin I just saw a snowman kill another snowman and crawl inside his body cavity
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@KeetPotato: [my first day hosting shopping channel] "for those of you who love coconut, boy do we have a product for you" [holds up a coconut]
@topaz_kell: Health Tip: If you find a pill on the floor of a public restroom, rinse it off before taking it.
@Midgetspar: I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it.