@KeetPotato: It's so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
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@josePhDhoran: "Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor"- John joyfully sings as he walks off with the 'Caution: wet floor' sign
@shegotagronk: Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life.
@StaceyShortcake: The last time I was 100% sure about a decision was in 3rd grade, and that box of 64 crayons with the built in sharpener didn't disappoint.
@PJTLynch: [At bar] Me: As a joke, I’m gonna pee my pants Wife: Seriously? You’re a married man now M: Right...sorry. I’m gonna pee “our” pants #BT140