@JessObsess: It's so embarrassing when someone gets to second base with me and finds crumbs in my bra.
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@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling? Him: Me? No, but thank- Me: Ok just making sure.
@Pundamentalism: The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you.
@notbedelia: When your wife says she needs a new broom it's best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.