@Sean_Burgundy_: It's so frustrating when your hitman doesn't answer the phone after you've made amends with someone
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@SondraDeeMe: My Medical Emergency Contact is a girl from college who promised she'd pluck any stray hairs off my face if I slipped into a coma.
@SteveInevitable: If a girl texts you and asks if you think she's fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that's pretty cool.
@JayUhOh: If you're out and you see a donkey, say "hey, come here donkey." He might not come but if he does, free donkey