@Sean_Burgundy_: It's so frustrating when your therapist tells you to go to your happy place then yells at you when you show up at her house
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@OrvllShrednbchr: 10 years ago, as a joke, I told everyone I was giving up sex for Lent. Haven't gotten laid since. Well played, God.
@steveolivas: Me: Would you remarry if I died? Wife: Yes. Me: What?!? Would you at least WAIT awhile? Wife: Depends. Are you dead because I killed you?
@BlairLoudly: *dresses like a kitty* *climbs tree* *waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*
@karatechopmonk: I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn't like it