@bugbucket: it's so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager
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@iwearaonesie: me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*
@AbbeYaar: Just accidentally used yahoo to search for something. I think the entire Yahoo! Search staff are having a party and high fiving each other.
@polksalad: Just found out my cat lied about being pregnant just to try and save our relationship and cover up for getting fat.
@lonewulf87: Son: Dad, what does 'gay' means? Father: It means 'to be happy'. Son: Are you gay? Father: No, son. I have a wife.