@jazmasta: It's spooky how many kids look like their owners.
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@Pro_Jones_: (Job Interview) Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I'm unemployed. I: How about something personal? Me: Personally I need a job.
@WHEREISWALTJNR: I want to be featured on the news and the caption below me to read *unintelligible screaming*.
@electrolemon: yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my opinion between two men's shirts and immediately went to check out with the one i didn't choose
@ambamthankyamam: I saved my husband's life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.