@jwalkonthemoon: It's stupid that "girl" and "world" are rhymed together so much in songs when "squirrel" is right there for the taking.
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@bobvulfov: [magic school bus] KID: where are we going today MS. FRIZZLE: the zoo KID: but last week we went to SPACE MS. FRIZZLE: im hungover, children
@RdrJay47: Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.
@dragnut: Picture someone stepping down off a curb that they didn't realize was there. Now you can say you've seen me dance.
@highwayhooligan: I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.