@trevso_electric: It's summer. We're young. Let's sneak into someone else's pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.
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@AimeeHelene1: Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop.
@rolldiggity: Throw a pizza down a manhole. Wait five minutes. Throw a grenade down. You just killed the Ninja Turtles.
@david8hughes: Therapist: what would you say to your dad if he were alive today? Me: sorry for cremating you. I honestly thought you were dead