@TheTweetOfGod: "It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!" - American children.
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@OfficeofSteve: Moving is a lot more fun when you make the Movers carry you on top of the mattress like an Egyptian pharaoh
@Chel__CLE: Until a pregnancy test commercial involves a chick hysterically crying & screaming MY LIFE IS OVER, it's not real life.
@Jenny4ashley: My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like "please untie me" and "just tell me who you are".