@YoungNobler: It's the 20th anniversary of Infinite Jest and the 6th anniversary of my buying Infinite Jest and never getting around to reading it.
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@mstluvstrinkets: Her: I'm running a little late. M: how many more seconds er I mean yeah sure take your time. Me, trying to play it cool with the babysitter
@HiddleDeeDee: I accidentally flushed a public toilet with my hand instead of my foot. I may be dying now.
@ArfMeasures: ME *puts honey on toast* SON: Daddy, did you know bees make that? ME: Yeah of course [Later] ME [to date] Did you know bees make toast?