@donni: It’s the freakin’ weekend, baby, I’m about to cancel some plans
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AnniemuMary: Like when you make a mistake on your paper so you use wite-out but then it gets all chunky and busted and worse. That’s concealer in your 40s.
@TheToddWilliams: [blind date] HER: I love sports! ME: Uh…me too HER: Have you ever played tennis on grass ME: No, but I once went bowling on crystal meth
@samalmightysam: Breaking: CNN confirms planes need fuel to fly. In other news, scientist confirm brains are not needed to work at CNN.
@murrman5: [catching breath at friends house] I was being chased by a bike cop so I threw up a left turn signal but actually turned right and it worked