@jamieramone: It's the point of the night where I either keep my drunk friend from making an ass of herself or just tape it for youtube.
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@duumb: [wheel of fortune] me: id like to buy a vowel pat: arent u a millenial me: [sigh] id like to rent a vowel
@brian_bilston: Here is a poem for #NationalDrinkWineDay entitled "The Problem of Writing a Poem in the Shape of a Wine Glass".
@Contwixt: The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
@ArfMeasures: KID IN PARK [crying] I think my mum might of left me here ME: Oh no! WIFE: Talk to him ME: Hey, listen kid *kneels down* it's might HAVE