@TheTweetOfGod: It's true what they say: shut up.
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@yonewt: Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like "Abso-fruit-ly!" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know
@ClaytonSykes: After getting out of jury duty, it dawned on me that our nation's trials are decided by 12 people too stupid to get out of jury duty.
@KalvinMacleod: BRAIN: it's 4am u up? ME: leave me alone B: who was our grade 5 teacher? M: stop B: why's our eye itchy? M: I'm ignoring u B: engage bladder