@fsuflores: It's unfortunate when pasta night turns into a surprise family intervention.
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@AnOrangeSNES: *Hands girl a card that says Be Mine* Girl: Aw that's so sweet *Pulls out a pickaxe* Me: Come on, do it I need some iron ASAP lady!
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm not sure what my husband is planning on doing for me on Mother's Day but I hope it's laundry.
@CornOnTheGoblin: scientist: he's going to be identical to you in every way me: every way? [my clone trips stepping out of the machine] holy shit
@SCbchbum: One of the most effective forms of birth control is assembling furniture together as a couple.