@fsuflores: It's unfortunate when pasta night turns into a surprise family intervention.
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@TitansHomer: How do Mexicans cut their pizza? With Little Ceasars *drops mic, Harlem shakes off stage*
@vladchoc: Dance like no one's a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat's sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to.
@AimeeHelene1: Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop.
@rockstarfish: Today, coworker deemed herself "unscareable". Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar.