@TheTweetOfGod: It's weird for Me not having a Pope. I feel like Burns without Smithers.
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@kibblesmith: Parents Then: YOU'RE GOING TO SMOKE THE WHOLE CARTON, MISTER. Parents Today: Explain it to me again ... You're a Nazi, but on the computer?
@tastefactory: *cop sees chalk outline on family's driveway* "Damn, a cute bunny was murdered" "No, the kids who live here drew that, the body's over here"
@mjkspeaks: ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn’t what i meant
@TitansHomer: Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband.