@mikeleffingwell: It's weird how after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together the King's men were like "Let's give the horses a shot at it"
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@hippieswordfish: nice try walmart, like im gonna spend $20 on a skeleton mask when i could easily just peel the flesh and muscle off my face for free
@jnrbtsn: Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
@QwertyJones3: Giving people the finger while driving just isn't effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
@BrettDruck: What's it like to work in customer service/retail? Imagine there's a race of people called customers. Now imagine you're a huge racist.