@mikeleffingwell: It's weird how after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together the King's men were like "Let's give the horses a shot at it"
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@NickBossRoss: Are we sure that we're supposed to look for a human to settle down with? Cause I'm discovering I have much more in common with this blanket.
@murrman5: [having daughter's new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner] so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*
@khook32: My husband really loves our new couch. In fact, he loves it so much he called me his exwife's name just so he could sleep on it.
@Birdhumms: Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆