@shkeeber: "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No, you hang up" No, you hang up. "No you hang up" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!

@ItsAndyRyan: Now then - what's an oxymoron?

@notalogin: Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this.

@ArrowsOfTheSun: Yeah the sun is hot, but have you ever stopped to think about its personality?

@tomgara: My friend's toddler babbled "don't forget to subscribe" as he was put to bed. Kid watches so much YouTube he thought it means "goodbye"