@theDanLawler: It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned.
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@Tw1tter_K1tten: Febreze commercial: "Now we remove her blindfold and..." *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*
@SadieSkyNinja: My favorite part about ordering a salad on the first date is going into the bathroom and eating 6 mini donuts.
@Six_Pack_Mom: Husband: "You should try going to bed earlier." Me: "You should take the 3yo to work with you." Him: "I'd get nothing done." Me: "EXACTLY."
@Swain_Train47: Is "asking for a friend" just a way people can nonchalantly ask a question while making it seem like someone else asked? Asking for a friend