@theDanLawler: It's weird how many of my ancestors were sepia-toned.
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@noog: *opens facebook messenger* *sips mtn dew twice* *strokes neckbeard* *begins typing* Sorry abt ur mom dying Tis a shame Btw ur attractive
@bridger_w: I wish there was enough room on TV for another show called Judge Judy, but where people just stood around criticizing a woman named Judy.
@Laser_Cat: [skywriting] Karen, do you have the checkbook? The skywriting guy won't let me out of the plane until he gets his deposit.
@GrantTanaka: "I was thinking of all the shit I hate, so I made a list of all the shit I hate" *notices you don't care *adds you to list of shit I hate