@Mikecanrant: Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
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@Black__Elvis: I used to struggle to keep food on the table until I Googled "how to get your pet turtle Charles to hold still because he's a table now."
@VirgoSherry: A co-worker just used the word "elderly" to describe someone my age and that's why I had to kill her.
@retardedwriter: Never understood the desperation behind placing ur order in English at KFC/McD. Heard a guy practicing his order while sanding in the queue.
@Underchilde: You think you’re not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles.