@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
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@KeetPotato: dad: "start a rumour so people are scared of you" me: "ok" [later] cellmate: "i kill people for money" me: "i brush my teeth with hot water"
@robdelaney: Tim Cook announces iPhone charger cord to be long enough to reach a socket, Apple stock price quadruples.
@Old_Pat_Bren: Hey, Sean Bean, it's either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can't have it both ways.
@mattvalleau: Pet Review: Horses Cost: Thousands of dollars Pros: Bragging about owning a horse Cons: Can literally kick your face off, big teeth 1.5/10