@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
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@robdelaney: If you see someone over the age of 9 wearing sweatpants, pull them aside & say "Friend, you're wearing sweatpants." They might not know.
@ThePocketJustin: Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.
@Darchstar078: Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand.