@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
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@Vodkantots: If a guy doesn't return your texts for 4 months, it might be over. It probably isn't, but it might be.
@tastefactory: [in front of fire] DATE: I'm still kinda cold *she looks at my jacket* ME: Oh! Yeah *I take off jacket & throw it in fire* That oughta do it
@SortaBad: "wow this rap song is good I wonder who this is" *waits literally 4 seconds* "oh there look at that he said his name how convenient"
@SoulYodeler: Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me, I won't say a word about your "wenital werpes" *winks*