@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.
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@tchrquotes: Superman: I got this Batman: I'll help S: Look, you just slow me down B: I'm a detective S: ... B: I have batarangs S: Do you hear yourself?
@realHamOnWry: Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.
@CherBear162: Even my cats are sick of the snow..They meow to go out..I open the door..and they freeze and look at me like "WHY is this shit still here?"
@TheBlessMess: Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.