@PaperWash: I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: You wouldn't believe the day- *puts TV remote to my ear* Hello? Hey Bob- [hand covering remote] -sorry honey, I have to take this.
@jazmasta: [Chumbawumba concert] 🎶 I get knocked down, but I get up again.. 🎶 [whack-a-mole just goin nuts in the crowd] "Aw hell yeah!"
@panmidwest: INTERVIEWER: strengths? ME: I'm good at presenting both sides of an argument INTERVIEWER: great ME: which could also be a weakness…