@PaperWash: I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife.
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@HomeProbably: Material possessions mean nothing to me. *breaks phone* I don't think I can make it through this week.
@LionJenkins: I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%.
@TravLeBlanc: Mary and Joseph chose to have Jesus in a barn rather than spend Christmas with their families.
@Ghetto_Trophy: When I'm feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don't seem so bad.