@skickwriter: I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: What did I ask you to do? Me: Love you forever? W: M: Kill a man to defend you honor? W: EMPTY THE DISHWASER I was getting there.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "I mean if you do the math the most weight I can really gain from the pound of pumpkin pie I ate tonight is only one pound" I thought fatly.
@Dschnoeb: I bet Egyptians were all like "Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do" and then came the internet.
@faulkingway: (Starbucks drive thru) Me: I'd like to pay-it-forward for the car behind me. Barista: That will be $30 Me: How much for the car behind him?