@skickwriter: I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation.
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@elonjames: "...and I would've won if it weren't for you meddling minorities, women, gays, young people..." - Mitt Romney #ScoobyDooVillain
@ElgatoEsmio: [DUI checkpoint] Cop: I'm gonna need you to follow my finger Me: As long as it doesn't tweet inspirational stuff
@KrissiBex: My family said if I don’t get a Facebook, they’d all get a Twitter I sacrificed myself for all of twitter kind I’m the Jesus of social media
@dave_cactus: "Your finest Scotch, please." "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.